


You're in Ruins

by FiKate



Series: It's you and me [3]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Gossip, Hurt/Comfort, Rebellion, convenient architecture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 18:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11652408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiKate/pseuds/FiKate
Summary: As Cassian recovers from torture, he struggles to heal, talk to Jyn and stop another young spy going through what he did. Inspired by the softer world prompt:At my worst, I worry you’ll realize you deserve better. At my best, I worry you won’t. (I’ve never been better.)Title from21 Gunsfrom American Idiot. Follows my other storyNot without meand followed byI'll hold onto you.





	You're in Ruins

When he truly woke up, Jyn was gone and Cassian felt the warmth where she’d been and bit his lip at the pain in his side. 

“Good morning, Captain, it’s time for your medicine,” Doctor Relyne came into his vision and he tried to sit up and not look in as much pain as he was.

“Oh, I'm better this morning,” He hated how the medicine always left him feeling like the world had gone fuzzy and he didn’t want that. If it went too blurry then maybe it would turn out that Jyn being beside him and that kiss weren’t real, but he could feel where she had been. 

“None of that, I know you, here,” She gave him the medicine and he leaned back, letting the medbay go out of focus. 

Draven’s boots woke him from his thoughts and he arranged himself to sit up higher, “Andor, report and next time you see Sergeant Erso, remind her that she’s not to leave her shift like that again. Report.” 

“Yes, sir. A patrol that had changed their schedule caught me. No one on the base was involved with ISB which allowed Kay a way in. The commander was trying to find something to make himself look good and while he did find my old injury, that was all he found. I was able to complete the mission before that and we should be able to easily retrieve the information,” Other than being caught it was the kind of mission he enjoyed, no one died and the slicing program would continue to provide data. 

“Good, get me the details and yourself ready to work again,” Draven nodded and turned to leave.

Cassian answered, “Yes, sir.” 

Kay emerged from behind something, Cassian stared at him while Draven left, “I didn’t see you there.” 

“Your attention was held and I have brought your datapad. Bodhi said I was to tell you that Jyn will stop by after her shift and he before. Her assistance helped you to sleep forty-five percent better.” 

Stretching for the datapad hurt as he sighed, “Thank you, Kay.”

*********

Jyn handed Shara tools and watched Draven emerge from the medbay, she had to finish her shift and yelling at him wouldn’t accomplish anything. “Jyn, I need that spanner.”

“Sorry, yes, here it is,” She handed the tool up and met Shara’s eyes that were full of fondness.

“I won’t tell if you go,” It was said so lightly and Jyn felt odd, she didn’t want to be this obvious.

“What no, I have work to do,” She had responsibilities, none of them were large but they kept her busy. 

“You want to know what he said, I can see it. I can tell you what probably did happen, Andor gave him a report and Draven asked for more details. There’s never anything more than that,” Shara had such certainty in her voice, it was reassuring but seemed bare.

“Never?” Saw had never cared about reports, he’d check in but every time Cassian came back, it was a report. That was how the Alliance worked but Draven seemed to care more about the words than what it took to get them.

“Not that I can tell, efficient briefings but then no one really sees much of how he works or his men do. You’d know,” Shara gestured with the spanner before going into the X-wing.

“Why would I know?” Just because she knew Cassian that didn’t mean she knew anything, they didn’t talk, they didn’t do anything.

Shara sighed at her and came down the ladder, “Because of Andor, I mean he never really talks or he talks but it’s not real talking.” 

“Shara, stop,” This was too much and she’d kissed him and didn’t know what she was going to say when they were both actually awake. 

“Go get some caf,” Shara gave her a look, Jyn appreciated having people who cared about her, but this base was far too small sometimes. 

Jyn started towards the mess and met Bodhi putting together a plate, “Does the entire base know what I did last night?” 

“I didn’t tell anyone,” He answered quickly and she didn’t mean to make him nervous, but she didn’t want everyone to know when she didn’t. 

“I know. I’m not used to this,” The caf was warm and freshly made which helped her feel more herself. She started walking and it wasn’t until she caught Bodhi smiling that she saw she’d headed right for the medbay. Jyn stopped, took a long drink and glared at Bodhi, “I’m only going to check on him and then go back to my shift.” 

“I’ll take the next shift, he’ll want to know about how the ship’s doing,” Bodhi’s smile was fond, she didn’t understand it but Cassian and Bodhi spoke pilot to each other. She went through to the medbay and sighed at the sight of his chest with a datapad on it, for a man who always complained about the cold, he didn’t use blankets enough. The datapad of course had the report he was writing on it, which she closed and spotted the recipes under it, she'd seen how happy he was in the kitchen. As she shifted the blanket, her hand traced a thin scar on his side up to a patch of rough skin from a blaster burn and blinked back tears, which was stupid. He was alive, they were alive, later she’d find out the stories he would tell and get to know each scar, because he was hers.

*******

Cassian found sleep a complicated friend, he’d uneasily nap over reports or sleep from the pain medicine, but felt lost in time. He had survived worse, he’d survived _Scarif_. Doctor Relyne had said something about internal injuries and old traumas, he knew she was noting his rest more than other times. He was able to mark the three days and nights by Kay, who told him how long it was and slow his was recovery was. Jyn, he never knew when she’d appear and they never talked, she’d sit beside him or only seem to have been there when he was asleep. He’d wake up with the scent of her hair and a fading warmth. Bodhi would have told him when she was there but he didn’t want to ask. Whatever had happened was too fragile to risk speaking about.

“I don’t think I need as much today, the pain is fading,” He said as he sat up on his own, his side ached but it was manageable.

Doctor Relyne gave him a long stare, “If you feel that way, let’s see how you do standing.” 

Carefully and with her help and that of a medical droid, he stood on his own feet though felt himself listing like a ship with a broken engine. As he looked up from his feet, he heard Jyn gasp and her footsteps as she left. He wished he’d had a glimpse of her eyes and knew what she’d seen.

After that, she didn’t visit as much and he found sleep harder to find but he forced himself to try, to push through the nightmares and the pain. In another three days, he had less bacta, could stand on his own though Doctor Relyne still watched him as if he was going to break on her when Draven appeared to check on him. 

“Andor, good to see you standing. I need you to brief Ion on retrieving that data,” Draven looking at him helped Cassian stand straighter and feel as he should. Tired and ready for another assignment.

“Yes, sir. Are you sending anyone with him?” Ion was young, a Nautolan who was learning quickly but Cassian didn’t want him to have the same lessons he’d had.

Draven eyed him, but he managed to not lean too much as he stood, “Do you think he needs assistance with the mission?” 

“I don’t know, sir, but I could be ready to act as back up for him with Kay. I know exactly where the information is and the dangers,” Perhaps it was pushing but he kept thinking about Jyn saying ‘not without me’, he didn’t want Ion to feel he had to get himself out of everything. 

“Prepare a report for me with your reasons. I’ll send Ion to you,” It was more than he was hoping for and as Draven left, he saw Jyn, at least she didn’t yell at Draven.

She looked him over and to Doctor Relyne who said with a hint of a smile, “I think you’re ready for another walk, captain. I’ll leave you with Sergeant Erso.”

*********

Jyn stared at Cassian who was smiling, she’d just heard him asking for back up for another spy and didn’t look like he’d walked off Scarif again, “A walk, yes.” 

He walked towards her and she found his leather jacket by the bed, she’d used it as a pillow last time she’d slept in here. Getting the jacket on was a little trickier as bacta still went up under his shirt but they managed it. Jyn smoothed it on him as he said with a careful smile, “Soon she’ll let me completely out.”

“Good, Kay’s going to get himself shot at,” The droid did spend most of his time in the medbay but his comments carried. 

“I’ll take him off on a mission and you’ll miss him,” He started walking and she followed, watching how he was still favoring one side but better.

She debated how close to stand and ended up near enough that their arms and hands kept just touching, she took a breath and took his hand as she said, “Not even that would make me miss him. You’re going?”

“If Relyne and Draven give me the say-so. Ion’s good but back up’s useful,” He glanced down at their joined hands then to her with that mix of surprise and awe she’d seen that morning. Her heart beat faster, this shouldn’t be so hard. 

“It is. I’ll come with you. I’m a better slicer than you are,” She told him briskly, better to talk of what they could do. Cassian was good but he was better at seeing an entire plan especially the outs. While he’d been resting, she’d gone looking in the rebel databases, she had been meaning to but seeing him like a ghost again made her need to know. Assassinations, undercover, sabotage, always just him and Kay with too many injury notes and never enough time in-between jobs. Prison had taught her how to stop, to rest, to reset herself while still searching for a way out. If she was with him, they could rest together.

“It doesn’t need slicing but more eyes couldn’t hurt,” He had something uncertain in his voice when he spoke, but then he’d turned away from teams for years. He had Kay, but he’d helped her make Rogue One.

He stopped and she saw the tiredness in his eyes as he leaned against a wall, she went with him and said, “We should go back.” 

“No, I’ll be ready. Come with me. Ion can analyze longer,” His voice was firm as he pulled her closer to him. The ‘come with me’ went through her like good whiskey and she pressed against his side, not holding him up, not this time. He leaned down and she felt his beard tickle as he kissed her. She pressed herself to him and heard him take a quick breath, she hoped it wasn’t from pain. His mouth opened to her and she stood on his boots, exploring his lovely mouth, getting a hand in his hair and heard him moan her name.

Finally he broke the kiss to catch his breath and Jyn smiled at how rumpled he looked, “I’m coming with you.”


End file.
